Saturday, 1 August 2015

O'Toole Tells Tales


The house lay forgotten at the end of the road
Where no children, no pets or postman would go
The windows were broken and the doors creaked on rust
And the carpets were carpeted in layers of dust
Whoever had lived there was long lost today
Whoever had lived there, well no one could say

Then one morning a van trundled by
Stopping beneath a perfect blue sky
And movers moved swiftly with boxes and chairs
Each shivering faintly at forgotten nightmares
They worked as quickly as working men could
And unloaded the truck onto bare boards of wood

The neighbourly people wondered and frowned
As word spread through every café in town
Someone had bought that house long forgotten
Where dust coughed and spluttered and all things lay rotten
Someone was coming quite soon to move in
Who could it be? Was it a her? Or a him?

The answer came shortly as a red car arrived
With its owner slow stretching from his long lonely drive
A man it was, a man named O’Toole
Who up until recently had head-mastered a school
O’Toole was a man with no child or wife
Who’d worked every day and called it a life

O’Toole was a barrel chested man of age sixty-four
Who had woken one morning and decided “no more”
He abandoned his one bedroom house in the city
And decided to move somewhere both quiet and pretty
And after two weeks of searching he knew what to do
He’d buy an old house and make it brand new

And now here he stood on this perfect blue day
Looking at abandonment, loss and decay
He rolled up his sleeves and picked up his tools
And unloaded planks and wire in spools
Inside the yard where the grass grew dry and thin
He gazed at the house and eyes gazed back at him


That first day he threw open all of the doors
And with a new broom he swept the old floors
Explosions of dust burst in clouds from the house
Triggering sneezes from a rat, cat and mouse
He swept and he swept ‘til the dust was all gone
“I’ll have this house new” he thought “before long”

That night he slept on the bed that he’d bought
Dreaming of classes that he’d recently taught
Around him the old house creaked and adjusted
To being clean swept and so thoroughly dusted
And up in the attic deep in the night
Six pairs of eyes blinked and turned left to right

The eyes belonged to children unknown and unfed
As these were children who were sadly long dead
These were children who’d had short lives of no care
And who one cold bitter winter had been abandoned right there
They’d died early that winter with the saddest belief
That the saddest of lives garner no ounce of relief

The six children, half girls and half boys
Remained in the house and spun dust into toys
As the windows cracked and the garden overgrew
The children continued and the world never knew
They stayed at their ages, from two up to twelve
The youngest the boys and the oldest the girls

The next morning O’Toole awoke and exclaimed
“Today that garden will bloom once again”
He breakfasted on coffee and sausage and eggs
Chewing each mouthful and drinking to dregs
And as he was about to take a shovel and set to his work
He saw that his home again sunken in dirt

He frowned and he pondered and picked up his broom
And chased away dust again from each buried room
Had it blown in at midnight from the garden outside?
Swirling and whirling as he dreamed safe inside?
He swept and he swept and then placed glass in frames
Of the windows so to stop this occurring again

That night he dreamed of classes once more
Reading stories to children sat on the floor
And as he slept three boys age two, four and six
Whipped up a perfect dust and dirt mix
And three girls age twelve, eight and ten
Spread candy floss clouds of dust out again

So the next day was filled with dusty disdain
O’Toole swept and swept and swept yet again
And later that afternoon he repaired every door
And sealed them all fast and firm to be sure
With everything closed and the dust chased away
O’Toole, with satisfaction, called it a day

But that night instead of retreating to sleep
O’Toole read his book and heard the house creak
And for reasons, if asked, he could never explain
O’Toole cleared his throat and strongly exclaimed
“Marley was dead, to begin with”
and heard the house gasp
As six long dead children heard someone reading at last

O’Toole read A Christmas Carol from commencement to end
Then yawned and sighed and slumbered again
And the children from the attic thrilled and imagined
The ghosts and the characters Charles Dickens had fashioned
And the dust that each night regathered
No longer came in and no longer mattered

O’Toole the next day sandpapered the floors
Sandpapered the walls and sandpapered the doors
He prepared the surfaces and started to paint
In shades blue and of yellow he felt were quaint
That night he lit a fire in the main room downstairs
And settled himself in an old leather chair

He opened a new book and once more read
To his invisible audience of children long dead
He read of Hobbits and a dragon named Smaug
Reading each page luxuriantly loud
And as the tale ended and he fell to his ease
The children stayed with him, unable to leave

O’Toole dreamt that night of the wife he’d not found
Since his only true love had been placed underground
She’d died aged just twenty in a lake in the spring
A lake where O’Toole was to propose with a ring
He’d come back to the world broken and shattered
As without his one love whatever else mattered?

He lay in his torpor bereft and unclaimed
Hating himself and gathering blame
He thought of her dreams and made them his own
And he realised a future his true love had shown
A teacher and wife she had hoped to be
“So a wifeless teacher is what comes for me”

The house was painted when he woke from his pain
Softly crying Pippa, that long cherished name
He blinked away tears as he wandered his home
Heart broken and lonely but yet not alone
For right before him at the foot of the stair
A two-year-old boy picked his nose there

O’Toole crouched down and looked at the boy
Who smiled right back with unrestrained joy
He ran to the books piled up on the floor
Clapped with his hands and waved to the door
Shortly thereafter he threw one to O’Toole
Who sat on the floor and knew what to do

The two year old listened enrapt at the tale
Of a beautiful white uncatchable whale
And his sisters and brothers unseen at the door
Listened to each word still starving for more
The house was ignored as the day turned to dusk
And the boy fell to sleep as two year olds must

And now O’Toole’s thoughts turned to the Police
To those in authority to whom he must speak
And he rose and went for his phone now to find
When something occurred that altered his mind
Outside the room five children all stared
Nervous and hopeful and spikey of hair

The eldest girl related their sad sorry tale
And hearing O’Toole turned uncomfortably pale
As she spoke of starvation and a cold desperate death
O’Toole saw a puff of his own frozen breath
“And then you came and our home wasn’t dark”
And O’Toole found warmth spread in his heart

The next day the children were eagerly waiting
To see where a new day may take them
Where they had been fleshless and boneless and gone
Now they were vibrant and laughing in song
Their memories of death fast faded from mind
Until memories of this morning were all they could find

O’Toole as well found his memories were hazed
And it never occurred to him that life may be crazed
He worked on the house with his family of six
Painting and plastering and gathering sticks
Till the house was perfect but yet not complete
The walls all a glow with the rooms warm and neat

One evening O’Toole sat in front of the flames
Reading The Iron Man to the children again
None of them flinched as the front door swung wide
And Pippa softly stepped from the out to inside
She kissed O’Toole as his story he paused
And the children, delighted, burst into applause

Pippa smiled and whispered “I do”
And O’Toole gazed and said “I love you”
Pippa sat on the arm of the chair
As the fire crackled and the children all stared
“Read” she whispered and O’Toole softly started

Feeling warm and alive and not broken hearted

There is no greater love than love that’s well read
With each night “story time” being words that are said
Children grow fast and soon read alone
In the forest of tales their parents have grown
O’Toole never knew he had long passed away
He just read to his children, and his wife, every day

The house was forgotten by all still alive
And no one ever sought to peer deep inside
No one that was but children long lost
Who’d been too much a burden or too much a cost
They gazed through the windows and came through the doors
And found safety, found warmth and stories…..evermore



Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Sunday on Thursday

My breaking an entering career has entailed one abandoned church, my own car and a house in my hometown.

During the summer holidays when I was 6 and 7 I would be dropped off at a three-story house to stay with a lady who had 4 daughters. The second youngest kissed me and one of her teeth fell out on my bottom lip, the next eldest had Days of the Week under pants that she wore on the wrong days.  
The youngest ate butter covered in sugar for lunch and breakfast while the eldest would sit in her room playing albums while gazing out the window in dismay.

The mum liked cheap wine and watching her boyfriend work out obsessively in the lounge room. I only ever saw him in shorts and a singlet and for our amusement he would drink raw eggs.

When I was 8 they adopted 2 African boys called Randall and Rory. They were 11 and 8 respectively and the dynamic of the house changed with their arrival.

The Days of the Week were no longer available for my viewing and were shown exclusively to the 11 year old Randall and Wobbly-Toothed kisses were now the province of Rory. The butter eater still ate butter and the older sister still moped but also played bad guitar as she did so and shouted at Rory if he let himself into her room, which he often did.

The mum still drank cheap wine and the partner still pumped iron.

We made bombs from tin foil and the contents of the caps from our cap guns. Rory squeezed tomato sauce into the limbs of an Action Man doll and we sat him on a large foil bomb.
We put the heads of matches in his clothing as Randall poured lighter fluid over the doll. Then he lit a string of cotton we were using as a fuse. We watched the cotton burn towards the prone Action Man and sighed in disappointment as nothing happened before screaming as ketchup exploded and plastic limbs spun through the air. Flaming chunks of his clothing landed around the garden and wiped sauce from our faces.


We were immediately dismissed until lunchtime and the older boy went to check what day of the week it was in the nearby bushes leaving Rory and I to wander around.

“My Nan lives nearby” he said.

“I thought your Nan was in Africa”

“Nah, she came over. She lives nearby. Lets go say hello.”

We crisscrossed streets as he looked for his Nan’s house and finally settled on a quite looking place. He knocked at the door and when no one answered he slapped himself on the forehead.

“I forgot, she’s out today but she said she’s leave something for me. Come on.”

He led me round the back of the house where he jostled a kitchen window until it swung open.

“Nan leaves this open so I can get in.”

I believed him and boosted him up so he could climb in. He unlocked the back door and I stepped into his Nan’s house.

“What are we picking up?”

He smiled. “She said she’d leave me some money for sweets but she hides it. Tricky Nan.”

He stepped into the house and I followed. The kitchen table was yellowing Formica, the sink clean of dishes and the small fridge grumbling in the corner. The lounge had a stiff looking sofa and a dust free cabinet filled with small ornaments of cats and frogs. A television stood in a cabinet with thin wooden legs.
The hallway had pictures hanging and I realised none of them showed Rory or his brother.
Rory darted upstairs and I followed him. 

There were two bedrooms and a bathroom and Rory ducked into the bathroom to pee and didn't flush. I checked the first bedroom. I saw a single bed with the covers in a heap. Pink slippers on the floor and a cup on the bedside table.

I heard Rory cheer and turned to see him holding two five-pound notes with a big grin.

“Tricky Nan.”

I turned back to the bedroom and saw the covers shift slightly and realised there was someone sleeping under them. I could now hear thick wet breathing and the creak of the bedsprings.

“Is that your Nan?” I asked nodding into the room.

Rory froze and I realised what I guess I had been denying to myself.

He tugged my arm and I looked at the sleeping figure as it started to roll over. Rory was running and I followed him out the back door as behind us I heard a thin voice call “Hello”.

My lungs were soon burning and my legs screaming in protest but we ran for a long time. Rory finally stopped ahead and waited for me to catch up. When I did he handed me one of the notes and I shoved it back.

“Take it.”

I pushed him and he flinched.

“I’ll tell it was your idea,” he said and I panicked.

“I don’t want the money.”

Rory looked around and saw the mini market where we would buy matches and chewing gum. He marched in with the money and emerged with a large bag of sweets and crisps and several boxes of matches. We walked home and I succumbed to the idea of candy.

“Did you spend it all?” I asked and he shook his head.

“This for my brother” he said showing the other note. “But this for us” he shoved another toffee into his mouth and I took one. We hid the sweets in the bushes near to the house planning to come back for them the next day.

In the house Days of the Week was fuming in the corner of the kitchen and the 11 year old was banished to his and Rory’s room. Between sips of wine and the sound of eggs frying we understood that they had been caught doing something disgusting.

Wobbly-Teeth asked where we had been and Rory looked at me uncertainly.

“Walking” I said.

“Yeah, just walking,” he agreed.

The next day the lollies were gone but Rory still had the matches. He suggested we try and find a cat but I convinced him snails would be a better choice.

Wobbly-Teeth and Days of the Week came with us. As Rory and Wobbly-Teeth jammed matches under the shell of a snail and down the entrance to an ants nest I turned and discovered a day I knew to be Thursday declaring itself to be Sunday.



Tuesday, 20 May 2014

Monkey Business


The campfire flickered as the night grew colder. Wood cracked and hissed and the wine swirled warm in my glass.

“Yeah, basically that’s why I became an atheist.”

My wife gaped at me. “You have to write that down.”

“Shit no, it’s way too embarrassing.” 

She shook her head. “It’s great, just write it. Stop worrying about being embarrassed.” I shook my head.

“Its ridiculously personal, no one would want the mental images.”

“Rubbish” she said, still laughing.

“It’s too much”

“Write it down and let other people decide. Let your spirit soar and your writing flow. Write and be damned. Kill your idols. Embrace your talent. Let words tumble and fall where they may.” She frowned. “Why have you made me into your internal monologue? I don’t speak like this. Are you even listening to me? You seem to be staring at my boobs.”

Boobs, I thought. I like boobs.

*

As a child I had an audience at all times and they were all dead.

My spirit guides were always watching me, advising me, assessing me. My grandfather had identified them to me. I had a Navaho Indian (as everyone on Earth did as they were so spiritually advanced), a Down Syndrome man (a sign of my emotional maturity as according to him Down Syndrome people know only love), a blue vibrating blob from another world (as heaven was home to all life forces) and I also had my grandmother and occasionally a doctor (only when the need arose as I guess health care in heaven was also underfunded.)

“These are your guides,” I’d been told. “They take the form of your instincts. If your instincts feel stronger it is your guides pushing you in a direction.”

I knew they were there. I was a child, I’d been told it, and so I accepted it. I prayed every night to God asking for my loved ones to be protected and for help if I was behind in school work or worried about something, and then I prayed to my guides, mostly my grandmother, running through my world and my life and my aspirations. Then I’d doze off a happy guilt free spiritualist soldier with my guide army watching over me from the heavenly wings.

Then something happened.

Cybil Sheppard changed on Moonlighting. She stopped being just a woman and suddenly became BOOBS. It was impossible to watch the show without focussing on only her chest. Wild thoughts ran through my head about spilt correction fluid on her purple blouse or rain, lots and lots of rain, falling indoors everywhere she went. My imaginings were confused but I was greatly enjoying them.

I realised it wasn’t only Cybil who had boobs. At least half the population had them. The girls at school were growing them by some obscure magic. Teachers had them. Shop assistants, lollypop ladies, librarians, they were everywhere.

Along with this realisation came a developmental spurt. The same one every teenage boy has. But with this sudden newfound hobby came the crushing realisation that my spirit guides were watching me. Even as I was hiding in the bathroom concentrating on blouse buttons and the music from Moonlighting my spirit posse were watching, making spirit notes, frowning. They were watching as I glanced up at the magazines on the top shelf of the news agents, they were watching my discomfort when my English teacher leant forward too much, they were even watching when saw the girl from up the street getting felt up in the alley behind my house. No matter what I did, they were watching.
 
This made it impossible to pursue my hobby. You couldn’t hide from them, they were omnipresent. A Navaho, a down syndrome guy, a vibrating blue blob (who I now imagined as a vibrating blue boob) and worst of all, my grandmother. I was two happy developmental growth spurts down and had become – for want of another term - cock blocked by the dead.


For a week I wrestled with this issue while noticing around me the other boys in school had developed a languorous walk, a swagger that implied the stress I was feeling was not a stress they were concerned about. They spilt themselves into chairs while I snapped my rigid limbs into a seated position. They laughed in the showers after Games lessons while I scowled. None of them were spiritualists, none of them knew about their ever present panel and I realised what pleasure ignorance must be. What utter pure passionate pleasure it must be. What freedom. They only had to worry about their mothers finding out whereas I knew for a fact that every fumble and fiddle was being noted and observed.
 
For another week I tried to work out how I could hide. Under a blanket was no good as “they can always see you” my grandfather had said. A TV show had a guy with tin foil on his head trying to block alien signals. Could foil deflect spirit guides? So I fashioned a foil headpiece (yes, I did) and realised it looked like a boob. There was no shadow dark enough to retreat into, no corner I could hide in, no matter where I went there they were.


Then came the long dark night of the soul. I prayed, as ever I did, and I spoke with my dead grandmother. I relayed all my problems except the fact that Cybil Sheppard wanted to race at hurdles. “Are you really there?” I wondered.

I felt alone, ironically enough given i just wanted to feel alone. There was no one watching, there was no heaven above. “If your instincts feel stronger it is your guides pushing you in a direction.” My instincts felt pretty strong but was it guides or hormones?

The following night I didn’t pray, I didn’t list my relatives who needed protection and immediately felt I was goading God into punishing them. I also didn’t speak to my nan, and I felt as though I had forgotten to say thank you for something vital. I lay awake for a long time expecting a crack in the world or the soft sob of my guides. There was nothing.

*

The following day Moonlighting was on.

I didn’t pray. The habit was already fading. Cybil and I ran slow motion hurdles and her shorts fell off (Carry On films were a big influence on my adolescence.)

I didn’t pray the next night, but the presenter of a certain kids show stopped making a lunar landscape out of egg boxes and tin foil and instead complained about the heat and unbuttoned her top.

The further from God I drifted the happier I became until eventually I realised it had been months since I had prayed. I expected to feel guilt or anxiety but realised I no longer believed at all.

There wasn’t a panel of dead folk watching me with a blue vibrating boob taking minutes. There was just me, a freak collision of coincidence at the right moment that bought me into being.

I was born one day and I’d die one day and, all being well, in between I’d see lots of boobs.

I felt relieved at the simplicity of life and noticed Kim Cattral sidle into my room in her Police Academy uniform. She dangled handcuffs and her buttons popped off.

I fought the law and the law won.


Then five minutes later I fought the law again and the law won.

*

“You became an atheist because of masturbation?”

The campfire flickered as the night grew colder. The wood cracked and hissed and the wine swirled warm in my glass.

“Yeah, basically that’s why I became an atheist.”

My wife gaped at me. “You have to write that down.”

“Shit no, it’s way too embarrassing.” 

She smiled and topped up my wine. “If you write it down I’ll show you my boobs.”

*

In the beginning the earth was formless and empty. Darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the cosmos was hovering over the waters.

A hairy palmed monkey swinging from a tree contorted his mouth and ululated, “Let there be boobs."

And there were boobs.

And oh they've been good.